The Power of Time

I don't know where my parents got the idea. Maybe it was a parenting fad back then. Maybe it was just common sense. Regardless, it is still an effective means of communicating family values. As my sister and I entered our teenage years, my parents used a nifty strategy called 'Time.' One key to effective parenting is finding each child's 'currency.' What does your child value? It could be something tangible like money or food. It could be intangible like words of encouragement or spending time with friends. Honestly, for me it could have been reading!

My sister was the social butterfly and her currency was leaving the house to hang with friends. The rule was if you had 'time' you couldn't go. 'Time' was typically divided into 15 minute increments and any infraction would add 'time.' The infractions were things like giving attitude, not keeping curfew, or poorly done chores. Whatever your family values and is decided ahead of time in a family meeting is fair game.

My sister and I learned early on that if you had time, don't even bother asking. In order to remove time you had to work it off by doing jobs around the house. Some jobs like sweeping the kitchen were worth 15 minutes. Other jobs like weeding the flower bed were 1/2 an hour or a full hour depending on how large the weeds. My mother was always thoughtful in leaving a list of needed jobs and their time value on the kitchen table. This put the control back in our hands. We were on 'house arrest' until we chose to work the time off.

Another beauty of 'time' is its simplicity. When the child breaks one of the agreed upon rules, all the parent needs to say is 'you've earned 15 minutes of time.' This was enough to make an impact. My parents never needed to raise their voice or get angry.

This was a win/win for my parents. 'Time' accomplished discipline, reinforcement of family values, and a clean house.

Improving Sibling Play

During the summer, I am a stay-at-home dad. When my wife works during the day, she takes the car and leaves me alone with three children under the age of 7. Oh, joyous rapture.

One of the annoying habits I have noticed is my oldest daughter's desire to direct the play of the younger children. She constantly tells the others how to play. Just this morning I hear: "No, you have to put the playhouse here," wafting from the bedroom upstairs. Soon wailing and screams pierce through the door. My 2 yr-old (girl) is in hysterics and my 5 yr-old son is slapping and kicking anything in reach. All three are crying. So much for the peaceful playtime.

Now two kids are in corners, the third on my lap. Again we have peace for a few minutes. All of this would have been avoided had the 7 yr-old kept her bossy mouth shut. [Insert FRUSTRATION noise here]

Then I get a sudden idea. In preparation for the next academic year, I was reading up on some Improvisational techniques for my Drama Class. One strategy to keep the improv fresh and energized is called "Yes, And." I briefly taught them the game. When one player makes a suggestion, the other player says "Yes, and. . . ." Then adds to the idea of the first player. It would sound something like this:

Let's go in through the tunnel. Yes, and lets have a party in the tent. Yes, and let's give gifts to the princess. Yes, and the prince will impress her with his heroic deeds like tumbling. Yes, and all the men will be invited to have a wrestling match. Yes, and the winner gets to dance with the princess. No, that's gross.

Or something like that. I think there was more maiming in their improv. But notice what happens when the 'no' is introduced. All the action comes to a screeching halt. The play time improved, but once again, the oldest became bossy and it launched into the kick fight from earlier. sigh It was fun to watch while it lasted.

What are some strategies you have used to quell bossiness?