A Parent Needed in Aisle 3

So I was at Lowe's doing a little home improvement shopping. Of course, my children wanted to ride in one of those extended cab shopping carts. And of course, the straps were broken on one side. I still haven't decided if those carts are a convenience or an inconvenience. With kids in tow and items in hand, I headed to the check out stand.

I roll up, greet the cashier, and hand her my items while my son hops off the cart. He heads straight for the impulse buys: candy bars, batteries, those knives that are also a pen/flashlight/screwdriver, and the impossibly misleading DIY magazines. I tell him to get back on the cart. He promptly does. So this is the weird part, not that my child got off the cart--we don't call him DistractoBoy for nothing. Not that I told my son to get back because I don't want him to break something and have to pay for it. Not even that he obeyed, although that is an infrequent event. No the weird thing is what the cashier said: "You don't see that every day."

That made me stop and think. What am I wearing? Is it public appropriate? Then I make a quick mental catalog of what just happened. To what is the lady referring? A guy shopping with his two kids? The broken cart? A boy looking at the POS? A dad telling him to get back? The boy obeying? Ah!

"What? The fact that a parent tells their child what to do and he does it?" I ask.

She just smiled.

What a jubilant, and self-affirming moment for me as a dad. Her comment to me said: I have well-behaved children. Which IS something I need to hear every once in a while. But her comment also said: How sad that most parents don't have control over their children.

I was reading Little House on the Prairie, by Laura Ingalls Wilder to my eldest daughter. I was struck by how readily the girls obeyed. For example, when wolves surrounded the house, Ma and Pa put the girls to bed. And they stayed there. Even baby Carrie, who I assume is still in the toddler phase, does not get out of bed.

What happened to that time? I go out in public places and become infuriated by parents who won't stand up to their children. Little boys kicking and hitting their mothers. Little girls full of contempt and attitude when denied a trinket. The parents take a laisse-faire attitude that kids will be kids. Parents, this is not a phase. This is an epidemic. When do you think they are going to learn those crucial lessons that 'no means no,' authority should be respected (regardless), punctuality is a virtue that is frequently rewarded, and self-control is a asset in becoming an adult.

As a middle school teacher, I often find myself in a position to tell parents: It is easier for your child to fail now than in the future. Academically failing 6th grade due to a poor work habit has little consequence. Academically failing 11th grade has major consequences. Academically failing college has serious consequences. The lesson is the same. The consequences get incrementally worse as time goes on.

So Parents, when do you want your child to "get the message?" Now or later?

For more information on parenting, I recommend the book "Have a New Kid by Friday," by Dr. Kevin Lehman.

Improving Sibling Play

During the summer, I am a stay-at-home dad. When my wife works during the day, she takes the car and leaves me alone with three children under the age of 7. Oh, joyous rapture.

One of the annoying habits I have noticed is my oldest daughter's desire to direct the play of the younger children. She constantly tells the others how to play. Just this morning I hear: "No, you have to put the playhouse here," wafting from the bedroom upstairs. Soon wailing and screams pierce through the door. My 2 yr-old (girl) is in hysterics and my 5 yr-old son is slapping and kicking anything in reach. All three are crying. So much for the peaceful playtime.

Now two kids are in corners, the third on my lap. Again we have peace for a few minutes. All of this would have been avoided had the 7 yr-old kept her bossy mouth shut. [Insert FRUSTRATION noise here]

Then I get a sudden idea. In preparation for the next academic year, I was reading up on some Improvisational techniques for my Drama Class. One strategy to keep the improv fresh and energized is called "Yes, And." I briefly taught them the game. When one player makes a suggestion, the other player says "Yes, and. . . ." Then adds to the idea of the first player. It would sound something like this:

Let's go in through the tunnel. Yes, and lets have a party in the tent. Yes, and let's give gifts to the princess. Yes, and the prince will impress her with his heroic deeds like tumbling. Yes, and all the men will be invited to have a wrestling match. Yes, and the winner gets to dance with the princess. No, that's gross.

Or something like that. I think there was more maiming in their improv. But notice what happens when the 'no' is introduced. All the action comes to a screeching halt. The play time improved, but once again, the oldest became bossy and it launched into the kick fight from earlier. sigh It was fun to watch while it lasted.

What are some strategies you have used to quell bossiness?

Back in to the Swing of Things

This is the time of year for new beginnings. Come Aug 29th, everything changes. Our weather gets cooler (a little bit), the days get shorter, and kids return to school. Now is the time to establish new sleep routines.

If your child hasn't been going to bed regularly, get him back into a normal sleeping habit. The quickest way to make this happen is to wake him up when he needs to wake up. His body will take care of the rest. Just make sure he has had plenty of exercise, food, and water. He will go to bed at a decent hour. Another approach that might make your lives a little easier is to transition her bed time by half hour increments. Again, make sure she has food, water, and plenty of exercise before she lays down. Get her up about eight hours later. This strategy will take a little longer, but everyone will be happier. The key is consistency of bed time and wake up time. The freedom of summer allows more flexibility in sleep patterns, but once school starts, she will need to be awake all day.

Check out the National Sleep Foundation for more information: http://www.sleepfoundation.org/article/sleep-topics/teens-and-sleep