So I was at Lowe's doing a little home improvement shopping. Of course, my children wanted to ride in one of those extended cab shopping carts. And of course, the straps were broken on one side. I still haven't decided if those carts are a convenience or an inconvenience. With kids in tow and items in hand, I headed to the check out stand.
I roll up, greet the cashier, and hand her my items while my son hops off the cart. He heads straight for the impulse buys: candy bars, batteries, those knives that are also a pen/flashlight/screwdriver, and the impossibly misleading DIY magazines. I tell him to get back on the cart. He promptly does. So this is the weird part, not that my child got off the cart--we don't call him DistractoBoy for nothing. Not that I told my son to get back because I don't want him to break something and have to pay for it. Not even that he obeyed, although that is an infrequent event. No the weird thing is what the cashier said: "You don't see that every day."
That made me stop and think. What am I wearing? Is it public appropriate? Then I make a quick mental catalog of what just happened. To what is the lady referring? A guy shopping with his two kids? The broken cart? A boy looking at the POS? A dad telling him to get back? The boy obeying? Ah!
"What? The fact that a parent tells their child what to do and he does it?" I ask.
She just smiled.
What a jubilant, and self-affirming moment for me as a dad. Her comment to me said: I have well-behaved children. Which IS something I need to hear every once in a while. But her comment also said: How sad that most parents don't have control over their children.
I was reading Little House on the Prairie, by Laura Ingalls Wilder to my eldest daughter. I was struck by how readily the girls obeyed. For example, when wolves surrounded the house, Ma and Pa put the girls to bed. And they stayed there. Even baby Carrie, who I assume is still in the toddler phase, does not get out of bed.
What happened to that time? I go out in public places and become infuriated by parents who won't stand up to their children. Little boys kicking and hitting their mothers. Little girls full of contempt and attitude when denied a trinket. The parents take a laisse-faire attitude that kids will be kids. Parents, this is not a phase. This is an epidemic. When do you think they are going to learn those crucial lessons that 'no means no,' authority should be respected (regardless), punctuality is a virtue that is frequently rewarded, and self-control is a asset in becoming an adult.
As a middle school teacher, I often find myself in a position to tell parents: It is easier for your child to fail now than in the future. Academically failing 6th grade due to a poor work habit has little consequence. Academically failing 11th grade has major consequences. Academically failing college has serious consequences. The lesson is the same. The consequences get incrementally worse as time goes on.
So Parents, when do you want your child to "get the message?" Now or later?
For more information on parenting, I recommend the book "Have a New Kid by Friday," by Dr. Kevin Lehman.
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